Get a 'Clue'

I think it was Colonel Mustard in the study with the wrench. Or perhaps it was Professor Plum in the dining room with the revolver. Or Mrs. Peacock in the billiard room with the candlestick. No, no, wait, wait. I know what it was. It was the elusive Costa Rican "insect" on the trail in Copey with the stinger.

And the victim was me.

The story went a little something like this:

I go out for my daily morning walk/hike. As I'm hoofing it uphill, all the possibilities of things happening in the universe collide into the perfect moment where a mystery insect and my chin run into each other in that wide open space of the vast mountain terrain. A rapid, angry buzzzzzzzzzz was let out, with a sharp sting, and an instinctual, sudden brush of the hand by me on my chin. "Okay, so I was stung by a bee," I think. "I'm tough, it's happened before, I'll keep going." So i continue to hoof it up the trail. On the way down, minus a little swelling on my chin, I'm feeling good. So I decide to run. I return to near my house, and think I'm feeling extra good, I'm going go a little bit longer today. So I turn down another trail and head off running. Little by little I begin to feel my chin swelling larger and larger into a nice tender balloon-like state. "Okay," I think, "I better hurry back and at least take some benadryl…or at least get back to be near some houses in case anything happens to me."

Thankfully, I make it back home, frantically search my Peace Corps medical kit for anything, grab some ice from the freezer, grab my homeopathic sting stop and apply all. Immediately. Little by little, I begin to feel rather funny. My forehead is breaking out in bumps and swelling. My ears are swelling, my eyes are swelling shut. My neck is breaking out in redness. I jump in the shower and notice that my entire torso, hips and thighs are absolutely ONE. BIG. RED. WELT….itchy as ever, like an ugly red landscape of distorted little knolls.
Oh dear.
In and out of the shower.
Call my mother, the nurse.

"Uhhhh, Mooommmmm? So I was out walking and I got stung by……"
"Oh no," says Mom.
"Weeeelllll, it get's worse……."

Before I knew it, I hung up with her and considered my options as to how to make it to the nearest medical clinic….20 minutes down a steep mountain road, the next bus an hour and a half away still. Quickly, I call my friend Seidy who has a car. She drops everything and we head down to the nearest town to the free, public clinic.

At this point, I resemble a cartoon character…my face nearly unrecognizable to even myself. I put on my shades (my only disguise), and muster up all my will power to not itch my entire body raw on the way down. I walk right in the clinic, and they immediately rush me to the back, question the series of events in Spanish, and stick a needle in the ol' buttocks. They escort me to another room, put me on oxygen, and stick my arm with an IV.

"How long will this take?"
"Oh about two hours…you'll need to stay here for observation after too" the friendly nurse replies.

Midway through I get very, very sleepy. Two benadryl and now this (the Costa Rican version of liquid benadryl) but heading directly into my veins. I could have fallen asleep right there in the institutional, metal, not-at-all-comfortable, social services chair. Thank god I had Seidy there to keep me company.

A couple hours later, my face returned to me. And my skin returned to a nice pretty peach color, and I was on my way with a couple prescriptions in hand. I didn't have to pay, they never asked for my insurance card, and I didn't have to fill out a ton of paperwork. Completely the opposite experience of the US medical system. Michael Moore sure had some obvious rationale to make the documentary, Sicko. Public health care is amazing! Then I proceeded to buy four prescriptions for only eleven dollars (it would have been free had I opted to wait in the long line at social services, instead I went to the regular pharmacy). Wow. Costa Ricans really care about the right to health care. Or at least it seemed so today.

So, that's how the story went. And although the exact criminal still remains unknown, and will probably never be caught, the weapon and the place are clear as water. G-U-I-L-T-Y. And that's enough for me.

And what also is enough for me is to think about all the times that all the possibilities of things happening in the universe DIDN'T collide into the perfect moment where a mystery insect and my chin ran into each other. Those moments are infinite. So, I guess one out of infinity isn't too bad for chances. Asi es la vida.